Relationship Decoder

Ken didn't think all women were bitches, but he used the word freely in one circumstance: when a good male friend was trying to either establish or maintain a relationship he thought was doomed... And his judgment was not easy to hear, but it was always right.

The women who were overly passive and unresponsive to his friends became "coma bitches." Hysterical overreaction would draw the label of "psycho bitch," at the opposite end of his scale. The bitches' behavior and display of either tendency would move them away from a central balancing point toward an extreme, where they'd draw an additional "from hell" at the end of the label.

He may not have originated the following glossary, but the fact that he forwarded it speaks for itself.

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.


(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.


(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.


(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!


(5) Loud Sigh: This isn't actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)


(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.


(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').


(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!


(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Reprinted in the original "it's already hit the fan" brown.